Old Pricks Club
by Kream45
Summary: Jack Morrison, Reaper, Ana, Torb and Rein have a meeting at a local gaming store. They talk shit about each other and bring back their memories from high school. Also, Morgan Freeman has nothing to do with this story, I just ran out of good images.
1. Royal Flush, bitches!

**/Gay people are gay. That's a fact, don't try to deny it or else I will have to use a fireball spell on you. Also, an ave** **r** **age person produces about 360 pounds of crap every year./**

"Ha! Royal flush, BITCHES!" Torb shouted.

"You're bluffing." Jack said.

"How am I bluffing you piece of shit? I just showed you my hand!"

"Jack, what do you have?" Reaper asked.

"Umm… a straight."

"That's not a straight, you dumb fuck." Ana said, "That's a pair of nines! How can you be so shit at card games?"

"Ana is right, Jack." Rein admitted, "You're shit."

"Wow, thanks guys. This is my first time playing poker and you act like I was supposed to know every rule after just one game."

"It sounds to me that everyone of you is shit." Reaper said and threw his cards on the table, "Cry bitches. Double royal flush."

"What?! How?!" Ana shouted, "You can't have two royal flushes at the same time, fuckface!"

"I can, I just threw two royal flushes on the table."

"But you can only have five cards in your hand." Rein said, "You're a cheater, Reaper, and a black one to that.

"So what that I'm black?"

"Black people tend to be black, Reaper." Torb claimed.

"What a discovery you have made, midget."

"Alright shitheads, how about we play this board game instead?" Jack said and showed them a box of Shitventure.

"Shitventure? Dafuq is this?" Torb asked.

"It's an adventure game. Your goal is to shit as much as possible, and you win by having the most shits taken." Said Jack.

"Well, you couldn't have chosen a worse game, Jack." Reaper stated.

"Come on guys, let's play!"

"Fine, but only if you tell us some embarrassing story from your high school times." Ana said.

"Yeah, tell us something stupid, Jack, like you always do." Rein said.

"Alright… maybe I'll tell a story about a peculiar IT lesson I had in high school… Remember that one, Reaper?" Jack asked.

"You mean our first IT lesson with a new teacher back in high school? Shit man, that was fucked up." Reaper sighed.

"Come on Jack, tell us that story!" said Torb, "You've never told us anything about your high school times."

"Alright then." Jack said and farted loudly, "Listen to me bitches, cuz I won't be repeating myself."

And then Jack told them a really crappy story.

 **To be continued.**

By the way guys, I noticed that a lot of you like to fap a lot, so I've got a list of a really good fap material for you:

\- Zone Toons

That's it. That's the list, you don't need anything more than that.


	2. Jack's story

**/This is a story about Jack and his black friend Gabriel, doing some stuff in High School. KEK./**

Jack went to the school and saw his friend, Gabriel.

"Hello Gabriel." Jack said.

"Hi." Gabriel replied, "Did you bring a dog shit as we were told?"

"What?"

"Well, our IT teacher said lately, that we were supposed to bring a dog shit for today's classes."

"Lol?! I don't remember her saying that!"

"Shouldn't have slept during classes then."

"What am I gonna do now?"

"I will lend you a plastic box and you will crap inside it. Then you can say it's a dog shit."

"Nah man, she's gonna find out. Dog shits are small."

"Hmm… I know, shit into the box, cut a small piece of the shit and form it to have a shape of dog shit."

"Alright, sounds like a plan."

And then Jack pulled down his pants and shoot a shit from his ass straight into the box.

"You retard, who told you to do this in the middle of the hall?" Gabriel flinched.

"Lol, I haven't thought about it."

"Well it's not the first time you haven't thought."

Gabriel went upstairs, while Jack cut a small piece of shit and threw the rest on the floor. Then he caught up with Gabriel. A moment later, their group entered the classroom.

"Alright my dears, take out your dog shits." The teacher said, "Okay, now smear it into the keyboards of your computers."

"Aaand what if someone brought their laptop and they don't want to cover it all in crap?" asked Peter.

"Then they have a problem." The teacher replied.

"And why are we even doing this in the first place?" asked Jason.

"To increase the computer's performance." The teacher replied, "And later you can lick off the shit from the keyboards and you won't have to eat dinner today."

"Yuck!" Jason flinched, "That's disgusting!"

"If you have a problem Mr. Jason, I suggest you to get the fuck out of here, before I fill you with lead."

Then Jack asked Gabriel:

"Hey, what if only a dog's shit increases performance, and human shit doesn't?"

"Are you kidding?" Gabriel asked, "It's not possible to increase a computer's performance by smearing ANY shit into a keyboard. We're only doing this to get good grades. You can see obviously that the teacher is out of her mind."

Jack calmed down a bit and smeared his crap into the keyboard. Then, the computer exploded and damaged everyone in the classroom.

"Dafuq happened?!" the teacher shouted, "Jack! Did you use human shit?!"

"Umm, yeah, but this would've happened with dog shit as well! It's a short circuit!"

"ARE you STUPID?!" the teacher got up from the floor and wiped the dust off of herself, "Human shit leads to short circuit only! Look!"

The teacher started to do some operations on a computer with its keyboard all covered in dog crap.

"Can you see the lighting speed?! It's thanks to the dog shit!" said the teacher. Her computer was indeed lighting fast thanks to the shit.

"Your stupid human shit has led to an explosion of a computer! You're gonna pay for that, you piece of shit!"

And then Jack took out a giant hot-dog from his pocket and swoop everything around him off the surface of planet Earth.

 **To be continued.**

The best thing about coconuts is coco.


	3. dfq

„Well, that explains why you always smell like shit, Jack." Torb said.

"Hey, I just like to eat shit, okay? There's nothing wrong with that." Jack replied.

"Of course."

"Hey guys, I've got an idea!" Reaper said, "Let's go and rape Tracer!"

"Why Tracer, lol? Why rape her?" Rein asked.

"Because I said so, you filthy piece of shit, I fucking hate you, suck my dick."

"Reaper, you're BLACK." Ana claimed, "You have no right to say such things to your masters."

Then everyone in the store gasped. Reaper started crying.

"Ana… you… you're racist!" Jack shouted.

"How can you be so cruel against black people?! Black lives matter, you know?!" Torb added.

"I agree with them, Ana! We must destroy you now!"

And then they grabbed Ana, raped her in every hole and smashed her to the ground till she was no more.

"Well, what do we do now?" Jack asked.

"Let me think…" Reaper thought, "Oh yeah, let's rape Tracer as well."

"Hell yeah!" Jack, Torb and Rein agreed and they injected vampire blood into themselves, which turned them into big fucking monsters with ginormous dicks.

They ran to the streets and jumped into Tracer's home through her window.

"DaFUQ?" Tracer got scared, "Who the fuck are you, monsters? Get out or I'll call my friends!"

"But Tracer, we ARE your friends!" the monsters laughed and grabbed Tracer and filled her ass, pussy and mouth with their dicks. After 10 hours of rape, she was unrecognizable.

Then the monsters died due to death.

 **THE END**

If you're wondering what the fuck has just happened, well that's simple. I just wanted to finish this story as fast as possible ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Turns out I'm better with single-chapter stories.


End file.
